Cranks My Tractor

People just don't do that anymore

Although I truly enjoy cooking, I also enjoy going to the Thai restaurant less than five minutes from my house. It’s my “Cheers,” you know the sitcom about the bar that ran on NBC from the early 80’s to the early 90’s. I don’t remember it being “political,” like so many television shows are now.

Cheers was good comedy and the reason that my Thai restaurant is my “Cheers” is not because I go there and drink, but because when I go in everyone knows my name. It is nice to be smiled at and spoken to and your humor laughed at. I’m sure my 12th grade English teacher would be cringing if she saw that last sentence.

Sometimes I do think that they don’t necessarily understand everything that I say. They speak and understand English very well, but they are not necessarily used to hearing it spoken with an Alabama brogue. So they smile and laugh a lot. I like that, as well as the food.

Book'em Danno

The original “Hawaii Five-O” lasted 12 seasons, with actor Jack Lord, playing the role of Detective Steve McGarrett. Jack Lord, who was born John Joseph Patrick Ryan, also was offered a chance to play Captain Kirk in the first “Star Trek” series. Jack was too expensive for the show, requesting to own half the show if he got the role. They didn’t give it to him. As we all know, William Shatner, got the role and the cult following that continues today.

However, Jack Lord was pretty big deal playing the main bad-guy catcher in the series with the catchy theme song. If you grew up with the series, you remember his saying, “Book’em Danno,” to his sidekick Danny Williams, played by James MacArthur. Danno was an expert in defusing bombs and figuring out handwriting. I could use him to read my own writing sometimes.

The Florida Cowboy Pilot (who also fixes legs)

A week or so ago, I had a wonderful experience with a fellow who had been reading some of stories online. He sent me an email noting how much he enjoyed my stories about rural Florida, specifically the Florida Panhandle and Vernon, Florida, which I have written much about.

He was simply writing to say thanks for defending folks out in the rural areas who are a lot better off than people think they are. Country folks usually keep their mouths shut about such things, because they know if they start bragging about it, crowds, strip malls and people who don’t appreciate homemade orange marmalade will start moving into the area. Then… “Poof” – It’s all over.

It’s not unusual for me to get emails about my writing. I enjoy hearing from folks who enjoy reading my take on life. However, it’s not every day that you get an email from a cowboy, astronaut, pilot, actor or hit man.

This fellow who wrote to me has been all of those things. Well, I should clarify and say that he is an actor and has played multiple bad guy or hit man roles and even was the astronaut who piloted the shuttle trying to destroy the “Tree of Souls” in the movie, Avatar.

Archie, Fred & The Chair

Daddy came home, sat down in his chair, put a board over the arms of his chair and played solitaire. He was generally the first one to work and the last one to leave. As he said, “Work like you live, hard and fast.”

The statement scared me, I didn’t want life to be fast. I wanted to live a long time; I wanted my Daddy to live a long time. He’s been gone almost 15 years. As I looked into the dimly lit room that used to contain “Daddy’s chair,” I wanted to see that board that he played cards on. I’m pretty sure my older brother made the board decoupaged with a New Orleans Saint Football player.

I never found it.

However, I’m pretty sure one of the televisions wanted to be turned on and tuned into to All in the Family or Sanford and Son. That’s what Daddy watched. All in the Family ran from 1971 to 1979 on CBS. Sanford and Son was on NBC from 1972 to 1977. I can’t say for sure, but I think Fred Sanford was his favorite.

I love you to the MoonPie and back

It was a Monday, my 30 minute commute back home from work was looking like it was going to take 3 hours. It ended up taking only two hours and 45 minutes. At one point, I sat still under an overpass on the interstate for an hour. It gets boring and frustrating. There was no getting off the interstate, so I just sat and thought and listened to the radio. A little AM radio station plays wonderful music, I was thankful for that as I sat in my car watching people get out of their cars and talk and stretch.

Moon River came on the radio and it made me happy. It made me think of the movie, “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” – a movie before my time, but one that I enjoy. I think of Audrey Hepburn sitting in that window, singing and strumming on a guitar. It’s easy to think while stuck in traffic.

Hang 'Em High (but not on Gilligan's Island)

Jed Cooper dangled from a rope and lived to get revenge on those who tried to hang an innocent man. Sounds like a Clint Eastwood movie doesn’t it? For those of you who are fans, you know that it is a Clint Eastwood movie from the late sixties.

I’ve watched “Hang ‘Em High” many times. I’ve watched it through the years and my opinion has changed. The movie is still a classic, but I have trouble with the characters.

First, the plot of the movie – it’s a Clint Eastwood western, so it is pretty easy to guess who the hero is going to be and that he is not going be killed off in the opening scene. A group of vigilantes round up Jed Cooper (Clint Eastwood) and accuse him of cattle rustling and murder.

Who you gonna call?

One of the things I enjoy most about my drive in to work every day is listening to the radio. Generally, I will switch stations when a commercial comes on the airwaves. I know that’s bad, but I feel like I’ve heard them all.

I don’t need to know how to speak Chinese yet and I don’t want a month’s supply of some sort of medication for something I don’t have yet. However, there are those rare occasions when a commercial gets my attention.

This fellow who came on the radio on this particular morning was selling what he said was a service that no one else could give me or even tell me about. First of all, he asked the question, “Did somebody die in your house?”

What I Want for Christmas...

For those of you who have watched Ralphie in “A Christmas Story” and his quest for an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle – you know the scene.

Ralphie gets choked up when Santa Claus asks him what he wants for Christmas. Ralphie just can’t remember, the crowd, lights and excitement are just too much for him, he just sits there dumbfounded.

Santa asks Ralphie, “How about a nice football?”

They shove Ralphie down the slide to deal with the next child. In a panic, Ralphie stops himself halfway down the slide and climbs back up to tell Santa that he really wants a Red Ryder BB Gun. Of course Santa then announces, “You’ll shoot your eye out kid.”

The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

When Andy Williams sings that song, you just want to smell real Christmas trees, drink eggnog and straddle a beam in the attic. The beam in the attic reference is related to the time (or times) I felt the need to straddle a beam and let my legs dangle through two holes in the ceiling.

It happens.

It did to me – once, maybe twice. The fellows who come to fix the ceiling always ask the same thing, “Been getting your Christmas decorations down have you?”

A Night at the Museum

We are often faced with situations where we are forced to say, “I can’t put it into words.” The words we are searching for may relate to joy, sadness or the look on a dog’s face when you catch him with the kitchen trash strewn all over the floor and proudly wearing the now bottomless trash bag as some sort of Hawaiian lei.

Finding the right word or words can often be difficult.

My second child has been working on her college essays that you send along with your application and test scores and other things to convince them that you are wonderful. Folks often pay a lot of money for tickets to see sporting events and concerts. One thing I might not mind paying to see is these decision makers going through the process of deciding who gets in their school and who gets the scholarship money.