Cranks My Tractor

Mabel and Her Tomato

One of my favorite things to do is to sit or stand at the antique mall and go through all the postcards. I’m sure they were bought by the pound or bundle at an estate sale or yard sale for pennies a piece and brought to the antique mall where they can sell two or three and get their money back. The best I can tell, I’m one of the only ones who sit and go through them.

They go back to the early 1900s and have beautiful pictures from places I’ll probably never get to see. I like to think of them as “Poor Man’s Art.” Usually, I’m only interested in those that have not been used. Yes, there are a lot that have been written on, with penny stamps and more. I suppose some people would buy them for the stamps if they collected such things.

On this particular day, I was finding a nice handful of linen postcards from the 40’s and 50’s with some really cool things on them. I use them. I don’t frame them. I don’t store them. I put a stamp on them and send them to my children.

Somewhere around Turkey Heaven

About every week or so, I get a call from somewhere in rural Cleburne County, Alabama. I’m not sure what the place is called. It has to be somewhere around Turkey Heaven, Trickem, Lecta or possibly Edwardsville. I’ve been there and I could probably get there again, but I just don’t know the name of the place.

Since my Daddy passed away over 15 years ago, one of his good friends calls to check on me on a pretty regular basis. It means a lot to me and I know that this friend of his understands that it does. We talk about his kids, my kids, his grandkids and life in general.

He is about as country as country can get. Through the years, he has aged, but his sense of humor and outlook on life have not. A tall fellow who would probably remind you a little of country comedian Jerry Clower when he talks and maybe Reverend Billy Graham when he spreads his wisdom. He might throw in a few words and phrases that might sound a little irreverent, but I know he would never mean anything in that way.

Why all night?

Usually I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, but last night I got up all night. I got up and continued to ask the owl why he couldn’t just give it a rest. Honestly, I enjoy the sounds of a hooting owl, but you know sometimes they can overdo it.

Going outside in the middle of the night to try and locate the owl is about stupid when you think about it. I can’t see at night and not too well in the daytime, but I guess I just needed something to do or perhaps see if this owl was as big as it sounded.

How does one figure out how big an owl is by the sound of its hoot?

You don’t.

She looked up...

One of my favorite hobbies is people watching. Whether it be at the airport, the water park or the Walmart, it’s just something that I enjoy doing. It helps me to understand and appreciate how different we all are and the various stages of life that people are experiencing. Whether it be trying to corral small children, looking for that perfect plastic thing you can’t live without or trying to fit into last year’s bathing suit.

My love of people watching and appreciation carries over to church, where I get to work the left door four months out of the year. In my part-time position, I get to talk to people, listen to people and watch their reaction when I say something a little off the wall. Not to frighten anyone off, I only say peculiar things to people I know, who understand that I am just trying to get a smile.

This past Sunday was not one of my working Sundays, so this means that I will sit far enough back to see the folks who I know sit in my section. I am also always trying to convince myself that there just seems to be more folks on my side of the church during the months that I am the “Keeper of the Left Door.” It’s not true, I know it is not, but I still like to think it and brag about it to my fellow doorkeepers.

The Office Christmas Party

From my December 12, 2016 newspaper Column...  Maybe you can start getting ready early...  It's just 11 months away.

It’s that time of year. A couple of weeks before Christmas, everyone gets to together for the Office “Holiday Party.” I call it the Christmas Party, because I celebrate Christmas. But I do understand that others have different beliefs than I. These are important beliefs like needing to be the first one in line to eat, on the front row of the group picture and not being able to go home without a door prize.

We have our party during the day and stretch lunch out for an extra hour. The best I can figure, the planning for this party takes a great deal of effort. Why? Well, they start sending us messages in October about meetings to plan this party and who is going to bring what and how much everyone needs to kick in. No one ever goes to these planning meetings, so the same person gets stuck making decisions it seems.

Watership Down and Out

Do you remember Hazel, Fiver, Bigwig and Blackberry? Maybe you didn’t have to read “Watership Down” in school, maybe you’ve never seen the animated movie. Well, it’s a tale about a group of rabbits in search of a new home.

Fiver was a small young rabbit with the gift of being able to tell when something bad (or good) is going to happen. Fiver’s brother is Hazel, who is a little bigger and kind of looks out for him. These rabbits, along with a lot of other rabbits decide to leave their warren. A “warren” is the network connecting all the rabbit burrows or holes.

You know rabbits, where there is one, there are many. Fiver got this feeling if they left the security of their home, they would be in grave danger. He told the Chief Rabbit this to no avail; the Chief Rabbit just didn’t believe him.

They go on journeys and end up living happily in their warren after a lot of themes, motifs and symbols. In the book, various folks have determined that the author was hitting on home, leadership, nature and how we deal with adapting, trickery and humanity in general.

The Hatfield’s, McCoy’s and Us

Everyone, I assume, has heard the story of the family feud between the Hatfield and McCoy families back in the late nineteenth century in Kentucky and West Virginia. Some people even know about how the feud started and how it ended or dwindled out. Each side had a leader or patriarch who fanned the flames, or perhaps lit multiple fires.

William Anderson Hatfield, or “Devil Anse,” as he was called was just what you think he would be – a backwoods fellow who lived and worked hard in the mountains. He was a successful timber merchant, who in fact, employed some of the McCoy family. His nemesis on the other side was Randolph “Old Ranel” McCoy. Old Ranel was not as prosperous as Mr. Hatfield, but he did own some land and some livestock.

Some say, the first event that led to the long drawn out feud was actually a murder of Old Ranel’s brother, Asa. It had to do with Asa’s loyalty to the Union during the War Between the States. Historians bicker about whether or not this actually started the feud, many holding to the “Brother Asa Theory,” while more pointing to the “Pig Theory.”

Smoke and Words and the New Year

As I admired the new gasket I had just installed on my ceramic smoker that sits on my deck, I could almost taste the steaks. I hadn’t replaced the top and bottom gaskets on my smoker since I received this wonderful gift many years ago. The old gaskets had pretty much burnt to nothing and smoke could easily ease out from where the lid meets the bottom of the smoker.

Keeping the smoke and heat in is important to the smoking, cooking and regulating the temperature. Thus, I had been wasting smoke for years and either too lazy to buy a new set of gaskets or waiting on someone to give me some. I got a set for my birthday and it seemed the perfect time to install them during the holidays.

Everyone has traditions for the holidays and we have steak on Christmas night. The process of taking the smoker apart, removing all of the old crusty parts, cleaning and reassembling is pretty time consuming I learned. However, it was very gratifying. Once installed, my smoker didn’t make that “pinging” noise of the ceramic top and bottom hitting each other when I closed the lid.

Book'em Danno

The original “Hawaii Five-O” lasted 12 seasons, with actor Jack Lord, playing the role of Detective Steve McGarrett. Jack Lord, who was born John Joseph Patrick Ryan, also was offered a chance to play Captain Kirk in the first “Star Trek” series. Jack was too expensive for the show, requesting to own half the show if he got the role. They didn’t give it to him. As we all know, William Shatner, got the role and the cult following that continues today.

However, Jack Lord was pretty big deal playing the main bad-guy catcher in the series with the catchy theme song. If you grew up with the series, you remember his saying, “Book’em Danno,” to his sidekick Danny Williams, played by James MacArthur. Danno was an expert in defusing bombs and figuring out handwriting. I could use him to read my own writing sometimes.

T Minus 13 and Counting

At first I worried a little, which is foolish. I worried because I would be putting people out of jobs, or at least contributing to doing it in a way. Then I used the car wreck and speeding analogies, which seemed to make sense. In other words, “Should I have a wreck in order to keep the local body shop in business?” or “Should I go out on the interstate and break the speed limit until I get caught a few times in order to help the police budget?”

Of course the answer to both of those questions is an absolute “No.”

Maybe I was more worried about the inconvenience of learning to do things differently or not having all the bells and whistles I’m used to having. Honestly, that is probably closer to my actual worries than the wrecking and speeding and making sure folks keep their jobs analogy.