She had me with the straight razor

When you are caught “running around,” I can only imagine that it is not a very fun experience. As a matter of fact, some folks meet their demise when their significant other finds out that they have been seeing another woman, man or barber…

Therefore, rather than being caught, I have decided to just “fess up.” My barber of many years, “Becca the Barber,” has always been a friend, kind and has wonderful tattoos that she has shown me. I have followed her around to no less than three salons in my hometown. Hairdressers seem to move around a lot, kind of like Methodist preachers. That never bothered me, I was loyal for the most part. There was the one time I cheated with the hairdresser named “Angel.” Being that it was with “an Angel,” I kind of got away with it.

Well, now I’m coming clean…

I’ve found a new place and a new barber, named “Barbara,” who has captured what’s left of my hair. Barbara’s place is a lot more convenient to where I work and my schedule. However, there were other factors that played into my decision that I think I should explain. I feel like I owe it to Becca the Barber. She deserves an explanation and I want her to know that I still love her and appreciate what she tried to do with my head through the years.

It started like this. I was in a hurry. I didn’t have time to drive back to my hometown for a haircut, I just had a little window of time in the mid-afternoon while I was at work. The fellow across the hall at work said, “Go see Barbara, she’s just a few minutes away.”

Convenience can be a terrible thing when it comes to love, food and getting your hair cut. I thought I would just do it one time and it would be over. However, sometimes “one time” is not enough.

First of all, Barbara’s place was a true Barber Shop. It reminded me of home. When I say it reminded me of home, I mean the look of the outside, the smell of the inside and a doggone real barber chair. I’m not referring to the time that Daddy took me to “Carl the Barber” and he wanted to cut off one of my ears off with his electric clippers. I was young and I thought I would never stop bleeding. But the bait and tackle shop was right beside Carl’s place, so I guess that justified the pain and suffering in some odd sort of way.

There are other things that drew me to Barbara and I feel like I should explain them. First of all, Barbara has a wonderful story. She had been in business many years with her loving husband, “Lenny,” until he passed away. Barbara kept going. She kept going and kept telling the stories of Lenny and his love for the Boston Red Sox and keeping his stuff on the wall.

That is the “Good Stuff.”

Then there are the other things. Barbara wraps one of those white things around your neck when you sit down in the chair, so the whomped off hair doesn’t fall inside your shirt. That’s pretty important because hairs inside your shirt make you itch.

But that’s not all. Barbara has a straight razor and she knows how to use it. There is just something about having my neck shaved with a straight razor that cranks my tractor. When you go years and years without it, you forget how good it feels. She had me when she pulled out the straight razor.

But she kept piling it on…

Barbara, picture taken by Johanna Somers / Daily Press

You see, I found out Barbara was originally from North Alabama, an area I am very familiar with, being from Alabama originally. She even appreciated the fact that Brenda Lee is my roundabout second, third or maybe fourth cousin and knew exactly who she was without my having to play the “Rockin Around the Christmas Tree” card. She knew all about the old country music singers that I love and could talk the talk.

On her wall, she has a television and she uses an antenna rather than cable. Again, that gets after my heart and my hair. “The Partridge Family” has been on every time I have been to see her. The television show from the seventies, makes me feel a little younger. I would also like to note here that she appreciates all the old western television shows and movies. I did not have a chance, she had hooked me into her chair.

Then to seal the deal, the last time I was in there, she said, “I want to show you something that someone gave my husband, Lenny.” I couldn’t wait to see what it was. She slipped into the back and brought out an object wrapped in a cloth.

She slowly unwrapped it and handled it ever so carefully. Then she handed it to me, for me to examine. It was a Coca Cola bottle with Coach Bear Bryant on it. I remembered the bottle when it came out about 35 years ago. However, what I appreciated most about the experience was how carefully Barbara handled the bottle and how much she valued it.

And how much she valued Lenny…

So, that is the best I can do explaining this situation in which I will ultimately be caught. She not only can cut my hair, but she knows her equipment, country music, TV antennas, baseball, record albums and by jingo, she has a straight razor.

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Cranks My Tractor

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