My family is not Jewish, but if you go to my Daddy’s grave, you will see a pile of rocks on the headstone. My Mama thought it was a good idea to put rocks on his headstone when she would visit his grave. Along with the rocks, is a little broken angel sits on the edge of the headstone (if it is still there).
I think the broken angel pretty much speaks for itself and for us all…
It seems the tradition of putting rocks or pebbles on a grave came from a Jewish tradition that simply was performed to show that “a person had been there and that the deceased individual’s memory continues to live on in and through us.”
I like that explanation and although I usually claim that all such things had to have been started in The South, I will concede that this was probably started well before we were “Blessing Hearts” down home.
Recently, I experienced another birthday and I was able to celebrate it with my older brother, who is one of the best fellows you will ever meet.
For my birthday, he gave me three rocks he had picked up and some lighter wood. “Lighter wood” is sometimes called “kindlin’,” “fatwood, “pine knot,” “lighter knot” or simply “lighter’d.” It is most often associated with the longleaf pine, prevalent in the Southeastern United States.
The bottom line is – you light it and it burns like nobody’s business. You start fires with it – and if you don’t know what you’re doing, you can start a chimney fire with it. So it is best in small doses or slivers.
Lighter knot is sold in small bundles for high dollar prices where I live. My brother gave me as much as I could take home in the car. Splitting it is pretty easy and rewarding. I like the smell of it – think pine tar.
After I thought about my brother’s gifts, I came to the conclusion that this was probably the best gifts I had ever gotten for my birthday.
Our parents have passed away, but their three sons live on remembering what they taught us and being there for each other – three rocks. My brother also knows that I had a thing about collecting rocks as a little boy; he also still feels bad about breaking my “special rock” when we were young (or at least I hope he still does a little).
Bottom line – I still like rocks and I like what I think they mean to me.
The lighter knot? Well, this fellow I knew and loved dearly always said, “If you’re going to make it, you have to be tougher than a lighter’d knot” (or sometimes “tougher than a pine knot). One of his most endearing complements for a person was, “He (or she) is tougher than a lighter’d knot.”
Yes, that fellow is the same fellow who my Mama insisted on putting rocks, stones or pebbles on his headstone. The same fellow who has a broken angel sitting there with him (if someone has not taken it).
So my brother’s gifts were basically reminders of who we are, where we came from and how we will continue as a family.
I am often accused of reading too much into the people, places and things I come across in this life, but honestly life makes us all “writers.” How we live, how we treat our friends and family and how they remember us – it is a book.
We all write and live a little differently – I will continue to try to be as “tough as a lighter’d knot” and hopefully live such that someday someone will want to put a rock on my headstone.
Hopefully, God knows I deserve a broken angel or maybe just a wing or something.
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Cranks My Tractor
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I'm BN Heard and I like semicolons, dogs and rocks.
Copyright, BN Heard
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Brent-loved this story! I hope one day someone will want to put a rock on my headstone too. EC
Posted by: Ellen Clark | 12/07/2014 at 07:42 PM