I was studying the nutritional information on the back of a bag of Food Lion Southern BBQ Pork Rinds, while sitting in my chair in the den. I was amazed that there were only 80 calories per serving - that’s good isn’t it? The serving size was 10 pieces, so I was careful to pick out the biggest pork rinds I could find in the bag.
I had another serving, finding 10 more large pork rinds that had been baptized in powderized barbecue sauce. They are actually very good. They may look a little like Styrofoam, but they are tasty and have some nutritional value according to folks who make, sell and eat them.
One website that studies such things, notes, “When consumed in moderation, pork rinds do make satisfying snacks despite their insubstantial appearance.”
As I read the label and picked through the bag to get the most for my serving size, my Standard Poodle, Doolittle, sat at attention right in front of me.
Doolittle would hold his nose in the air every once in a while in order to get a good whiff of the Southern BBQ Pork Rinds I was pulling out of the bag, studying and then eating.
My dog was giving me the “Poor, Pitiful, Please give me a Pork Rind” look. I think he was even pooching his bottom lip out a little.
It was only the day before, that Doolittle had devoured a dollar package of crème-filled sandwich cookies (Sunday school knockoffs of Oreos). If the pantry door is open, Doolittle goes shopping. This has been getting us in a lot of trouble. He likes cereal, uncooked pasta, crackers and whatever else looks appealing to him. There was a can of coffee on the den floor when I got home recently; he didn’t seem to like that very much. That might be a first.
Between raiding the trash can, the pantry, the counters and the laundry bin, Doolittle is out of control.
This was as good a time, as any, to discuss this with him.
Doolittle had recently been to the veterinarian, I had his “Pet Health Report Card” handy for this conversation.
As I read the client information, we were also discussing the price of his health care.
Patient Name: Dooley (short for Doolittle)
Species: Canine
Breed: Poodle, Standard
Birthday: 3/30/2007
Weight: 92.5 pounds
I question Doolittle on the weight, “92.5?” Then I told him, “That sounds like a radio station, 92.5, The Big Dog, WDOG.” I said it in my best radio voice.
Doolittle looked at me as if to ask, “What’s your point?”
Scanning his report card, under the “Appearance” section, it said “Abnormal,” referring to his weight. He is kind of abnormal; he reminds you of Eeyore more than a dog. Their evaluation revealed that he is heavier than what the folks at the animal clinic considered to be “best.”
Then, Doolittle and I discussed his eating habits, counter surfing, trash can addiction and exercise habits. I told him, “You could at least pretend to chase some of the rabbits and deer in the yard, rather than just sit there and watch them.”
He said nothing.
His “Body Condition Score” was 6/9, “Overweight.” Concerned and not knowing if we were shooting for a “1” or a “9,” I looked it up. “4-5” is considered “Ideal.” I now understood we were actually shooting for the middle of the range. We both were feeling better about his report card. A “6” is actually “One better than Ideal.” That would have sounded better than “Overweight.”
After glancing through the sections where he was considered “Normal,” I got to the end and found the part where they say he’s smart and what they recommend.
Here is my shortened version.
He’s handsome. (Of course!)
He’s gained weight. (We will concede this.)
We need to work hard at getting him to lose weight. (Define “We.”)
Go on walks with him. (He needs to chase the rabbits. Maybe this was directed at my condition.)
Decrease the food offered. (Everything is food to him.)
Needs dental cleaning. (Agreed, but I bet it’s a big money maker for you.)
Keep all laundry off the floor in hampers with lids. (The trash can cabinet has TWO baby locks on it and he does not find it challenging. His sister pushes in one side, while he pushes in the other. It is quite amazing. The trash can is now on top of the refrigerator. He recently pushed a stool up to the refrigerator, but decided it was too much effort to jump on it. If he wants to eat a sock, he will open a drawer.)
“If you see him eat something, let us know immediately.” (We have a spare bedroom in the basement, just come and stay. He will eat something. Trust me.)
Consider pet insurance. (Another money maker for you. Make no mistake; I love my big dog, all 92.5 pounds of him. I will not buy health insurance for my dog.)
He is a fun boy! (First you call him “Fat,” now you call him “Fun.” Maybe there is a correlation.)
We decided that we were going to be OK. I looked at him and decided that an abnormal dog deserved at least one satisfying snack, due to the insubstantial appearance of pork rinds. Abnormal seems to go with insubstantial.
I gave Doolittle a pork rind (ONE) powdered with a hint of barbecue sauce. We discussed the fact that it was only 1/10th of a serving. Then he did that “thing” where he nuzzles his head under your arm wanting you to scratch his back and saying “Thanks for accepting a dog that is not ideal.”
I did.
I said it again, “92.5, The Big Dog, Loving Every Pound of Him.”
_____________________
Cranks My Tractor
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I'm BN Heard and I like semicolons, dogs and partaking in satisfying snacks despite their insubstantial and abnormal appearance.
Hey, I loved this post. I am sure there is a correlation there. I am sure if we did a survey of 50 dog owners on fat and fun we could do a scatter plot with our results. Realizing that this would just be a sample statistic since the population is all dog owners. I love statistics. I could just visualize you and your dog. We have a cute Boston Terrier female whose name is Molly. We call her the sock queen because if there is a sock around then Molly has found it and has brought it to her stash. She is so funny because she will look at our feet and evaluate when she can get those socks too.
Cathy Brown
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Posted by: Cathy Brown | 05/12/2012 at 12:13 AM
My doctor recently wrote me a prescription to walk my dog daily.
Posted by: Pbd 44 | 05/19/2012 at 12:37 PM
Loved this post! I have two miniature poodles myself and one has the lovely "4" score while the other one is more along the lines of a 7 to 8.They eat the same amount of food! Oh well I love every pound of them both as you said of your big dog =)
Posted by: Anne Galeucia | 06/02/2012 at 04:52 PM
Due to her age and arthritis, Dr. Kate suggested not adding rice or potatoes to help keep her weight down.
Posted by: Canine Cataracts | 01/17/2013 at 05:13 AM
The veterinarian seemed to think that they were caused from trauma to the face. It makes you mad. They also found out that he is 8 years old.
Posted by: can-c | 01/19/2013 at 07:00 AM