Tea and Cap'n Crunch in Colorado

I was in Boulder, Colorado working on a NASA project a few weeks back. We were working twelve hour shifts and I was getting pretty worn out. It just happened that I was able to take a full Saturday off. It would change my life.

This is going to take me a little while, so stay with me.

Boulder, Colorado is a beautiful place with a lot of nice things to see and do. So I started mapping out my Saturday early in the week. There were a couple of places I really wanted to see and one big thing I had always wanted to do. I’ve been to Boulder a few times, but never seem to have time to get to see anything. The view of the mountains is pretty breath-taking if you live on the Virginia peninsula and rarely get to even see a hill.

Crysta (with a “y”) worked the desk at the hotel where I was staying. Crysta was very nice; she gave me five sewing kits. I didn’t need them, but I had been badgering her for free stuff. I think she was just trying to get me to shut up. She had been helping me plan my Saturday all week with brochures and maps. I had her number in my cell phone in case I got lost. I get a lost a lot, even in my own neighborhood.

My first stop on Saturday morning was the “world’s most advanced tea production plant”, Celestial Seasonings. Being from the south I was raised on sweet tea, but to be honest I love a cup of hot tea any time of day and any time of year. I put milk in it (but I did learn that I wasn’t supposed to put milk in some types of tea).

This was a wonderful place to start my day, the price was right (free) and it was pretty awesome. They have a “Mint Room” that will bring tears to your eyes and I like mint. We used to grow it right outside the backdoor back home in Alabama (in the ground - not in pots), but I will never be the same after experiencing a “room full”. Don’t you dare say boring, the day is just starting.

Before leaving Celestial Seasonings, I stopped by their Prairie Park for prairie dogs. I was disappointed I didn’t get to see any prairie dogs, but I took a picture of the metal sign. It was leaning a bit to the right.

From Celestial Seasonings, I drove by the house on Pine Street in Boulder where they filmed “Mork and Mindy.” Mindy always kind of cranked my tractor (but not like the girls I see would see in Denver a little later on this Saturday).

I then went to the Pearl Street Mall, basically a street that they don’t allow cars on. “While you stroll you can admire the uniqueness of the mall & the diversity of the people.” (This is what they say in those folding brochures you get at the hotel). They are right though. I saw a fellow trying to tie himself in knots and fit into this little box. This kind of big fellow was playing a horn, for five dollars he would play anything you wanted him to play.

After looking at all the statues, strange hats and t-shirts I decided to get something to eat. I had decided I was “going dark” for the rest of the day. Since I was going dark, the last stop of the day on Pearl Street was “Illegal Pete’s” where the girl talked me into getting the special - a Cheesy Chicken Burrito and a “90 Shilling” Ale. Both were good, but the fellow sitting beside me put the Cheesy Chicken Burrito at two pounds. I agreed with him.

Ok, put on your seat belts – we are going to Denver.

I headed into Denver early, because I didn’t want to be late. I had been looking forward to this my whole life…. Probably the only thing on my bucket list if I had one.

I was really glad it was still daylight. I wasn’t so sure of where I was going, I thought about calling Crysta but I didn’t want her making fun of me. I have never seen so many pawn shops, payday loan places, and jail bond places in my life. I finally stopped at a Safeway Grocery Store to ask for directions thinking it would be safe. I asked these people in the parking lot for help, but they seemed scared of me. That worried me even more. After they left, I looked in the mirror and saw that my face was covered with blood. My nose was bleeding. I’m glad I decided to get there early.

I called Crysta (with a “y”).

I finally made it to my destination - the Fillmore Auditorium. I got there at 5 PM, the doors were scheduled to open at 6 PM, and the “bout” at 7 PM. That’s right – the “bout.”

I heard there would be a crowd, so I was not going to risk it. I paid $10 to park at a Wendy’s, where the guy taking money told me to go have a beer at this bar close by. It was right by a 24 hour Adult something another. I decided it would be best to go ahead and get in line. I paid $20 for my ticket, and was second in line behind a woman named Virginia. It was February, and really cold, but Virginia would prove to be the most important person I met on this wonderful day. You will see why. Virginia and I spent the next hour talking and waiting for the doors to open.

I couldn’t wait to see my first roller derby bout. The Dooms Daisies and the Sugar Kill Gang were going to face off at the Fillmore.

You see Virginia was no normal fan…. She was affectionately known as “Momma Mean”, mother of the Dooms Daisies Deana Mean (Number 4.0). Yes, I had it made. Momma Mean asked me to sit on the front row with her (just too good to be true). It pays to be early. I came thinking I was going to be for the Sugar Kill Gang, but now my allegiance had to be with the Dooms Daisies.

Proof – In the picture below you see me with “Momma Mean”. Yes, that’s a halo over my head – it was my night. She has her Dooms Daisies t-shirt on and I have my newly acquired official black zip up Rocky Mountain Rollergirls hooded sweatshirt (I wanted to fit in).

Before the bout even started I was starting to realize the benefits of sitting with Momma Mean. Below I’m with a couple of girls from the Rocky Mountain Rollergirls Pep Squad. I like this picture, because they kind of look like they are having a good time.

 

It just got better and better as the night went on. I looked to my left, and I looked again. Was I seeing things? Do I even need to explain? I took the picture (below) thinking he wouldn't show up in the picture. He was there, I saw him with my own eyes, and he sang the National Anthem.

 

There was this very short girl skating around with a sign that said “Ask Me.” I can’t remember what I asked her… but I did and she was very nice. Momma Mean told me she skates for another team and makes her living as a "Bounty Hunter". She was about 4'2", I wasn’t so sure about the bounty hunter thing; I only knew that I was on the front row with Momma Mean. On this night, that was the only thing that mattered.

There was another fellow walking around with a very large afro that seemed to be part of the folks putting on the bout. I don’t think it was his real hair. Momma Mean said not to worry about him, he was her son-in-law. He sells AFLAC insurance....

It was jam-packed sold out; they shut the doors (and I was on the front row with Momma Mean).

The action was intense…. I was telling myself that I couldn’t even watch the Super Bowl now. It would be a letdown. There seemed to be lot of referees. When someone did something bad, the referees put them in "Time Out".

It didn’t seem to be as rough as what I remember watching roller derby with my Mama Baker, but it couldn’t have been better. Mama Baker was the lady who kept us during the day growing up. She always let us watch roller derby and wrestling on television. I will tell you about the time she took the gun to the wrestling match someday.

I have never seen so many interesting people in my life. There was this one fellow with red and black hair that Momma Mean said designs and sews all of the uniforms. She also said “those" are real; he got them about a year ago. I didn’t ask her to define "real" and I’m not going to go any further with that one. I’ll just say “Whatever cranks your tractor” and the uniforms were nice.

I couldn’t get over it. Jam packed – 4000+ in the Fillmore (I’m on the front row). You literally couldn't move. Momma Mean and I had chairs with backs and cushions. Most people were standing or sitting in bleachers and on the floor. I had a sweatshirt, I needed a nickname. There was Momma Mean, Deana Mean (pronounced Deena), and maybe I could be the "Meanamatician" or "Professor Mean".

Momma Mean was full of all kinds of valuable information. I found out her other daughter Erica skates for a team in Virginia Beach, Virginia and goes by “AmErica the Bootyful”. (100% True, I verified it) I’m going to get down there to see her when I get a chance.

The Daisies got the ever living stew beat out of them (160 something to 60 something). It didn't matter one bit because I was having the time of my life. The Sugar Kill Gang had a girl with a star on her helmet that was just scoring left and right. It didn’t matter. On my left was Momma Mean; on my right was this really cute girl who spent the night trying to explain the rules to me.

After the bout, Momma Mean asked me if I wanted to meet some of the girls. “Are you kidding me?” She didn’t have to ask me twice.

(Below) Deana Mean…. She was nice. I was going to ask her if I could wear her helmet, but I didn't want to push it.

 

Then it happened. This is what I came for….. Momma Mean got me to her…….”Cap’n Crunch”………. Cap'n Crunch's mother took the picture (below)………. Number 22 for the Sugar Kill Gang. I had been reading about her all week…………. I had my picture made with Cap’n Crunch. Cap’n Crunch’s mother took one with her camera also. She said something about the Cap’n having her picture made with a rocket scientist. Maybe I’m dreaming that, maybe I’m not. Crysta with a “Y” back at the hotel didn’t believe me until I showed her this picture. I was thrilled.

The Cap’n was incredibly nice (as were all these girls). From her Bio: **What is the background of your derby name? Crunch was my nickname in grade school when I used to 'crunch' boys playing football. Cap'n is just cool and so I put them together! The cereal is not bad either. **

How can you not love her?

“Dangerous Leigh A'Zon” (Below). She's number 5073145 for the Dooms Daisies. I'm pretty sure she wears her phone number on her back. I was going to ask her if she gets many calls and what Momma A’Zon thought about it, but I knew it wasn’t any of my business.

 

TyrANNAsaurus Wrecks (Below)……she looks kind of intimidating with that dinosaur mouth, but she was actually very pretty and very nice. She used to have a red Mohawk, but she let her hair grow out. She's number 67mya for the Sugar Kill Gang. I have trouble picturing her in a red Mohawk.

Momma Mean, I love you and will never forget you! If any of you are ever in Denver, get to the Fillmore and watch Roller Derby. My advice - Get there early, wipe the blood off your face, and keep Crysta's phone number handy!

Did I tell you I met Cap’n Crunch?

You can count me in as a big fan of all the girls and teams of the Rocky Mountain Rollergirls and Roller Derby!

Out in Colorado, they say “What happens in the mountains stays in the mountains.” I’m not worried about it; I had the time of my life.

If you enjoyed this, it would crank my tractor if you would go over to www.facebook.com/cranksmytractor and click the “Like” button.

Comments

[Dangerous Leigh A'zon]

We are so glad you had a good time with us and hope to see you soon. Momma Mean is the best guide you could have had.

That Sugar Kill Gang jammer you mentioned (the one with all of the points) is straight up one of the top jammers in the nation -- DeRanged. She is the star of our A-Squad, the 5280 Fight Club.

The Fillmore, unfortunately, sells out at 2,000. The fans just sound like there are 4,000.

And my number? Nope, it is not my phone number. It is a calculator gag. 5072145. My last name is "Shields." Put my number in a calculator and flip it upside down. (Mom A'zon has mixed feelings about derby, btw.)

[Dangerous Leigh A'zon]

Typo in my number. 5073145, not 2145.

[BN Heard]

Dangerous Leigh A'Zon,

Please forgive the typos and embellishment, I was beside myself. I love you all. I am NOT kidding when I said I had the time of my life. I would pay ten times the amount of admission to get to do it again. Please share with Deana and all the girls. Tell the Rocky Mountain Rollergirls to link to me, anything they want to do to help your cause. Also, the next time you see Cap'n Crunch, tell her she's the best.

I will always cherish that night. All of the people were the greatest, and I mean that! Thank you so much for what you do.

BN Heard

[Dangerous Leigh A'zon]

Ha! I have already shared with the team. You are getting passed around Facebook even now. We are loving the blog and I am sure Momma Mean will see it, too.

You didn't typo my number, by the way. I did.

Derby love,

Dangey

[BN Heard]

Momma Mean was a sweetheart. I lost her email address and I felt so bad. I was having a rough time of it until that night. She treated me like her own. Please see that she sees this. She was so kind and hospitable, as were all the girls, fans, etc.

I have the poster in my office from the bout and got some other cool stuff. I noticed that Cap'n Crunch was on the front page of the RMR site. I want her to see this also. She was a doll.

BN

[BN Heard]

I just saw the "Derby Love", that's something I just couldn't get enough of!

BN

[Wave Dreher]

Professor Heard,

One of your Rocky Mountain Rollergirls is featured on "Made" tonight on CMT. Below is a recap I found on the CMT website. Thought you might enjoy the show.

Leann Simmons is new to being a stay-at-home single mom. After a recent divorce, Leann went from having a job and a husband to spending all of her time cooking, cleaning, and caring for her three young daughters. Adjusting to her new lifestyle has not been easy. Leann wants to alleviate her frustration, regain her confidence, and get her life rolling again by being MADE into a rough and tough roller derby girl! With powerhouse skater Lucky 7 of the Rocky Mountain Rollergirls as her coach, Leann will learn to pick herself up, both on the track and in her everyday life.