Mama passed away the first week of this year and it left me with a sick, empty feeling. Anyone who has lost a parent knows that it is difficult to deal with. There is nothing we can do, other than celebrate their lives, remember them and tell our children about them.
Being so far away over the last ten years, it was impossible to see my Mother as much as I would have liked. However, we did talk on the phone often and she was the first and often only person I called when I needed a cheerleader or consoling. Mothers know what to say; they know when to lift you up and when to pull you down.
She would call me on my morning drive to work and I would call her on my way home from work to complain about the traffic or talk about the weather. I called because I wanted to hear her voice; I wanted her to hear mine.
Mama’s funeral was beautiful and the service celebrated her life, as it should have. You would have thought that Mama would have requested that country music singer Brenda Lee sing at her funeral, being her cousin and all – but she didn’t.
Mama wanted Jimmy Smith to sing at her funeral. Jimmy may not be as famous as Brenda Lee, but he is famous (and he’s Daddy’s cousin). Jimmy is a famous gospel singer and minister, working with folks like Billy Graham, Oral Roberts and Robert Schuller. Mama loved Robert Schuller. Jimmy sang two beautiful songs and I know Mama loved them.
At Mama’s funeral, the pastor’s last words were, “Brenda Lee was her cousin.” It got a laugh from the crowd, because we all knew how many times we had heard the stories. Her service produced smiles and laughter, the way everyone should go out.
Driving home from work, the week after Mama died, it hit me. I didn’t have Mama to call. It hit me hard.
I decided to call Phyllis, my 90 year-old friend in Gary, Indiana who dialed my number by mistake over a year ago and who has continued to call me on a regular basis. She wasn’t my Mama, but she was the best I could do. Phyllis is about the best anyone could do who loses their mother.
“Phyllis, will you be my Godmother?” I asked her on the phone. Phyllis simply said, “Yes, I will.” Phyllis never says she doesn’t know and she always gives you an answer. It may not be the answer you want to hear, but she gives you a good solid answer. This is what you would expect from a Godmother and an angel. I still think Phyllis is an angel.
Now that Phyllis was my Godmother, I had a new role to live up to – that of being Phyllis’ Godson. The very next day Phyllis called me at work and wanted to know why I hadn’t called her yet. She lectured me about only calling her when I needed something. I apologized and told her she was right. She was.
Over the last year, Phyllis has listened to my problems and prayed for me. I owed her more than just my problems. She accepted my apology.
Then Phyllis proceeded to spend five minutes talking about birthdays and such. I knew what she was leading up to. She finally hit me with the question, “Do you know who will be 91 in February?”
I said, “Yes Ma’am, on February 10th, Curly will be 91.” She laughed and said, “Yes, I will, blessed be His name.” Friends called Phyllis, “Curly” growing up because of her hair. I have never seen her, but she tells me often that she is “Part Black, part Chickahominy Indian and looks Puerto Rican – that’s why they called me Curly.”
As I have said many times, Phyllis didn’t dial my number by mistake.
Calling Phyllis each day is not a problem, she is fun to talk to. She tells me to call her anytime – day or night, she will answer. She does answer.
The other morning when I woke up, I noticed where I had gotten a call at around 2 in the morning. It was from Phyllis. I started getting sick, thinking something might be wrong with her.
I started calling her in the morning. She didn’t answer. I called her all day long. She didn’t answer. On my drive home, I continued calling with no answer. I was sick and very upset. I thought the worst and was selfishly feeling sorry for myself.
Around 6 PM, I finally got an answer on Phyllis’ phone. I asked, “Is this Phyllis?” The voice on the other end of phone asked, “Well, yes, who do expect to answer my phone?”
After explaining to Phyllis that I thought she was dead, she laughed at me and told me that she would go when it was her time. Phyllis then explained to me that her apartment building was being fumigated and she had gone out with a friend for the day. She left her phone at home.
I complained about her leaving the house without her phone, she just laughed more. Phyllis went on to lecture me about bugs and her apartment being clean and that the only bug she ever had was brought in on somebody’s foot. It was a good lecture.
Then I made the mistake of asking Phyllis what she was doing while her apartment building was being fumigated. Phyllis and her friend went to see a lady who was having trouble with one of her knees. I got to hear about the lady’s knee problems. I actually loved hearing it, Phyllis was still with me.
Knowing what her answer would be, I asked, “What did you do for the lady with the knee problem?” Phyllis gave me the answer I knew she would, she said, “I prayed for her.”
Knowing what her answer would be, I asked, “How is the lady’s knee now?” Phyllis gave me the answer I knew she would, she said, “It is healed.”
Phyllis took no credit, she never does.
I will brag on her. My Godmother, Phyllis, knows about bugs, lives to help folks in need and loves unconditionally.
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Cranks My Tractor
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I'm BN Heard and I like semicolons, dogs and being wrong when I think the worst.
Brent, I would like to share with you about your mother (and your father that I liked very much). They were both VERY good people. Your mother carried me and your aunt Janice to Montgomery to see Charlie Rich in concert. I DIDN'T KNOW SHE COULD'NT DRIVE WELL. Wow, I should have driven. I was driving since I WAS THIRTEEN, across the ferry over the Tallapoosa River going to a football game at Lineville. Scarry! Scarry! Thank goodness there's a BRIDGE now there now!
Posted by: Sandy Langley | 01/18/2012 at 02:35 AM
Dear Mr. Heard,
I am very sorry to hear of the loss of your mother. I understand exactly how you feel as I lost both my mom & dad in a period of six weeks last November and December. I also find myself thinking that I need to tell Mom (or Dad) something, only then do I remember that they are gone. I suppose that only time will heal the pain. Anyway, you have my sympathies.
Posted by: Pete Porebski | 01/25/2012 at 12:58 AM