In my last story I discussed how summer made me think of Wendy Peffercorn from the movie “The Sandlot.” In all of these discussions of TV and movie girls, please remember that I am happily married with almost three teenagers and that I have worked in scientific research for more than 20 years. Perhaps this is the reason that I ponder such things.
I enjoy talking about and comparing these fictitious female characters from the movies and television. I think it’s healthy. I decided to have my own one on one competition over the next week and decide who comes out on top. I would decide the competition and be the judge, jury, and maker of all rules. It was vacation time and I needed a good task to work on.
First, I have to admit that I watch “Glee” or that I notice that it’s on when my wife and girls are watching it. OK, I watch it. I don’t agree with some of the content, but I watch it. I like it. There are only a couple of television shows that I do watch, I can admit that. OK, I like Glee a lot. Maybe it’s the music. I would be lying - it’s Emma Pillsbury.
If I were younger, I might have chosen the character Rachel Berry . She’s cute, she sings, and she wants to be perfect. I like that.
I’m in my forties though, so Emma Pillsbury cranks my tractor in a “fictional female character, realizing I’m happily married, with almost three teenagers, about to go on vacation” kind of way. Emma reminds me of a librarian and she is very cute. I also like the fact that she looks like she is from a previous time, or seems that way to me. Maybe the 70’s or 80’s, I can’t put my finger on it.
She seems to always be wearing a sweater and I like that. It makes the librarian image. I know she’s a guidance counselor in the show, but if I’m putting her up against Wendy Peffercorn she has a better chance with the librarian image. I like books (and sweaters).
I can’t decide what color her hair is either, but I like it. I like it lot. It may be the color that my Papa (grandfather) was shooting for when he put that plastic bag on his head and hid in the bathroom on Sunday mornings. It was never that color, but it may have been his goal.
To be honest, I would not have a chance with Emma. If she were to see my office at the research center, she might find the three chalkboards appealing but the condition of my office would definitely turn her off. Emma is a mysophobic, or afraid of dirt and germs and the bad things that come with them. I have diet coke cans, coffee cups, and peanut butter cracker wrappers all over my desk. Peanut butter crackers make for a wonderful lunch. I also have textbooks and papers on my desk, in the chairs, and on the floor. It just seems to add to the scientific aura of my office.
I am willing to give Emma a pass on this condition. I doubt that she would give me a pass though.
Now what I was faced with was a fair way of putting Wendy Peffercorn and Emma Pillsbury up against each other fairly. The way that I decided to do this (I do make the rules) was to pick the three things I like most about both of them and compare. With a nice odd number like three, there was no chance for a tie and I wouldn’t have to write a dissertation or use any type of simulation.
This is what I came up with.
- I decided to put Wendy Peffercorn’s “taking her white sunglasses off and putting the earpiece in her mouth” look against Emma Pillsbury’s “stuffed animal you can’t live without great big eyes.” I had the winner before I got it out of my mouth. It might surprise you, but I have to go with Emma on this one. Wendy’s thing with the sunglasses is good, but I think she practiced it a lot. Emma was born with those big eyes. Score Emma – 1, Wendy – 0.
- Next I decided to compare Wendy’s “red ribbon in the hair” against Emma’s “perfect, the color I think my Papa was looking for” hair. This was a tough one. I love Emma’s hair, but ribbons and bows get me every time. Wendy wins tying the score at one apiece.
- Finally I had to do it -the unimaginable. I had to let Wendy’s one piece red lifeguard bathing suit go up against Emma’s sweater. This took a lot of soul searching and even almost required me to run a simulation, but I said I wouldn’t do that. As I noted in my previous story on Wendy Peffercorn, the reason I liked the one piece bathing suit so much was what I like to call the “Would they put a magic double secret decoder ring on the outside of a box of Cap’n Crunch?” question/rationale. The sweater covers more. For this reason, Emma Pillsbury wins this round of the “Cranks My Tractor Fictional Female Character Vacation Challenge.” Final Score, Emma – 2, Wendy – 1.
I don’t know how much of this I can take. I’m thinking about cleaning up my office.
I was supposed to be on vacation. Who is worthy to face Emma Pillsbury? I’ll find someone.